author Unknown
It is being reported that the Manufacturer of all human beings is in the process of recalling all active units. The Maker of this product has determined that regardless of make or year, the product needs to have it's main energy source retrofitted, due to a serious defect in the unit's primary component.
When asked exactly what the problem with the primary component was, the Manufacturer informed us that the heart of the problem is the heart, and that He has sent out representatives to help with the recall.
The Manufacturer is also informing us that the defect which was in the original prototypes, code named Adam and Eve, has subsequently been duplicated in all units. This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Nonmorality," or more commonly known as S.I.N.
The representatives of the Maker, are warning the public that any or all of the following symptoms could occur. A loss of direction, foul vocal emissions, amnesia of origin, lack of peace, absence of joy, fearfulness, idolatry, moments of selfish and or violent behavior followed by spells of depression or confusion in the mental component that can lead to rebellion against it's Maker.
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing a service that will allow for a factory authorized repair, free of charge.
To insure this repair is done properly and complete, the Manufacturer is sending the only person who can do the repairs, His Son Jesus. Per His Fathers instructions, this repair Technician will perform a technique known in the business as Salvation. Now because the cost of repair is so staggering, the Technician will generously offer to bear the entire burden of the cost for these repairs, and once completed there will be no additional fee, ever required.
However, you must personally request that the Technician repair the defect, because the Manufacturer will not authorize any substitute callers on said unit's behalf.
The number to call in order to get the Technician to repair the defect is 1-800-P-R-A-Y-E-R-S, but remember to be on your knees when calling. Once connected, you must upload your burden of S.I.N. through the REPENTANCE procedure. After you have completed the repentance procedure, you will automatically be uploaded with the ATONEMENT and SALVATION fix from the Repair Technician.
This fix will be installed instantly into the heart component by the Technician, Jesus. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with love, Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and long suffering, and self control
Please refer to the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth manual, also called the B.I.B.L.E, for further details on the use of these fixes.
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