Old Journal Entry, & A Psalm From 5/16/05

By Chuck Ness

Often times I find myself going through old journals I wrote to learn how my walk with Christ has progressed. I like to read about the good times, and bad times I wrote about. I especially like to look back to see how I fared in moments when everything seemed to be going wrong in my life. You know, those times when I was depressed, or confused. I read the prayers I wrote, and look to see how long it took for me to get passed those moments of despair.

It's a practice I learned many years ago, from other Christians whom I looked up to. I learned they journaled so they can track their progress in their walk with Christ. I especially learned, when you go back and read about your struggles, that you get strength and encouragement from the times you successfully handled a difficult moment in the past. I also see how there are times when I struggled with the same issue time and time again.

It is those repetitive entries which let me know I need to pray more diligently for God's strength, and maybe get some help from other Christians to help me with an ongoing problem. We often times tell our selves a problem is not as bad as it seems. However, if we continue to ignore it, then the problem may become an uncontrollable flood that could lead to devastating results. My journal shows me how I handled these various spiritual, and Worldly problems in the past. In turn it enables me to help others who may struggle with similar problems.

Reading my old journals can also jar my memory on things I long forgot. Maybe it's something I planned on doing, but  I let it slip away, and now I'm more prepared to do that which I thought about doing sometime in the past. They also remind me of promises I made, which I failed to keep. Along with moments in general that seemed so innocuous back then, but are now precious memories I'm glad I wrote about.

As is normal, I always finish my journal entry with a prayer. However, often times I will also write Psalms. It's my opinion that the Psalms I write are inspired by the Holy Spirit, because he wants me to say things I cannot come up with that our Father in Heaven desires to hear from me. What is heavy on my heart, what am I struggling with, and how does my present emotional situation relate to Christ.

If a stranger comes across my journal and reads a Psalm I wrote, they would most likely be clueless of what it is I'm referring to. Unless it's directly related to my journal entry. My wife may have an idea, since I confide my personal feelings and things I'm involved in with her. However, even I myself am sometimes left wondering what I was thinking when I wrote something many years ago. Yet what I wrote sounds so good, I know I must have been writing in the Spirit.

Which is the case with a Psalm I wrote in my journal back on May 16, 2005. I am posting it, along with my closing prayer from that day. This was my first hard cover journal and it covers the dates from January 1 to November 4, 2005. I started journaling the year before, but it was in a spiral notebook. This is the first one I started in composition notebook which I continue using to this day. I came across this Psalm as I skimmed through it this morning. As I looked back at it, I found it to be especially filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. The journal entry itself is quite vague, so my mindset does not give me any clue as to what I was actually moved by when I wrote it or the closing prayer. I pray you are blessed with it.

A Psalm by Chuck Ness

Lord You made me before I was conceived so that my skin, my muscles, my knuckles and even my finger nails would all work in perfect unison with my mind so that my hands can do the tasks I need to do. Lord You worked marvelous wonders in Your Creation of me. ​

O' Lord, I consider the best feeling I have ever enjoyed and multiply it by a billion times, and I still imagine paradise being greater than I could ever fathom. If Your presence is too great for man to live before, then this World is truly too evil for man to conceptualize, because even Moses, as he was shielded between a rock crevice was only allowed to see your behind as you passed by. Selah

O'Lord, I despise the dark so much that when I turn on the light I feel extremely blessed with an abundance of joy. If the World is dark compared to Heaven, then the brightest blinding light of this World is but pure darkness compared to Your light. O'Lord, I pray you will one day grant me the chance to experience Your true light.

Search my heart and clean my house O'Lord my Father. Show me Your love, and guide me through this rugged World that lures me to it's fallen broken rotten life. Once upon a time my World was one of dark despair, but You have given me the light of Your life, and I am now blind no more.

Lord my Father, I praise You as I look to You for guidance and understanding in this World of confusion. The evidence of You O'Lord is all around and within us. I truly marvel at Your work and I am in continual awe of Your power and mercy. Teach me O'Lord how to love and to worship You. For I am but an ignorant untrained dog who knows no manners. Like an untrained dog, I jump up on You and get my messy paws all over Your white robe of majesty. Train me to be pleasing to You Lord, and break me of my bad habits so that I may be worthy of Your blessings. My Father, my Lord, my Savior, I praise You, Amen.